LOVE <3 LOVE <3

Sunday, July 17, 2005

i suddenly haf this urge to stop blogging. forever. haas. sounds crazy. but i realised tt there are actualli a lot of pple reading ur blog secretly and not leaving a single print after they read ur entries. and the scary thing is u will never know. who are they. when are they reading. how do they feel abt ur entries. its scary. but i still wan my friends to know abt my life. esp those fellow cedarians. arghhh. sooo i cant possibly stop. ok. come to think of it. do i realli make sense?
the huge mess in my life is diminishing. bcos it's heading to a rather specific direction. unlike a few weeks back. when im sooo unsure of wad i wan. i was so afraid. so lost. so scare. but now. since i noe wad i wan. i shudnt procrastinate. i shud jus clear the mess up. but how shud i go upon doin that. duno. scary. veejay is such a scary place to live in. u noe rumours spread like nobody's business. u duno who to trust. when u look into the eyes of ur friends. u jus dun haf the courage to share things with them. the worse thing is tt. they go abt silently. without u knowing. it's scary. u feel as thou u are being watched every moment. i need to breathe. it's silly. stop it. bcos they are not true. but like as if i can control wad they sae. nvm. i shud be happy. i shant be bothered by wad pple sae. i wont let it affect my life. yes. our life.
boo. deja vu. im scare.

and uu noe. i don deserve u. i duwan uu to think of me. i duwan uu to do tings for me. cos i wont be able to love you back. at least not now. even if i reciprocate, it's out of guilt i guess. im jus sorry. that u hafta face this rejection. i duwan to commit to u. i dun dare to hurt uu. i cant be ur girl. bcos i jus wan us to be friends. tt's the smartest and the safest chioce. i noe u wan to be with me badly. i noe u love me like crazy. i noe all that. but im sorrry. i cant be with you. i don belong to you.

shedded at 7:15 AM